I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
