Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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