would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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