I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
