6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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