Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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