his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
