Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
