no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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