bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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