Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
