you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
