you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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