just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
