I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
