New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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