I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drake has all the answers
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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