me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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