She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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