I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
