dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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