Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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