She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
