Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
