Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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