I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
