If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
