she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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