She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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