I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
