so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hippo gnu deer
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
