Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
