Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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