addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
