You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
