1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
