Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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