Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I smell stomach acid.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
