Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
