i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
