OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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