Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
