It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
