I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
