I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
