I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
