Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
