i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize