This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
