I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
