make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
