you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
