So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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