I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
