Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
