nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
