i dont even know how to be here
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
