Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
