so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
