So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
