I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
