So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
