dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
