It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
