Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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