I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
