you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
