Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
