you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
