Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
