I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
