yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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