I'm lost and stupid without you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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