He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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