McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
