These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
