did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
