Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
