kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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