If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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