hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
