Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Randomize
