if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize