WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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