Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
